Tag Archives: Pope

African Cardinal Mistakes Black Smoke As Victory

English: Cardinal Peter Turkson Nederlands: Ka...

English: Cardinal Peter Turkson: (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

VATICAN CITY—Cardinal Peter Turkson of Ghana misinterprets the black smoke released from the Sistine Chapel as sign that he was elected the new pope.

Cardinal Turkson was enjoying a cappuccino at his favorite Vatican café when he noticed black smoke billow from the chimney of the Sistine Chapel.  “Obviously, I thought it was a sign,” Turkson said.  “I mean, it was black smoke.  I understood there would be smoke to tell tourists something about the new pope, so I just put two and two together.”

Cardinal Turkson admits that he immediately ran into the Sistine Chapel to claim his title as the first Black Pope. There, he quickly discovered that it simply meant a failed ballot.  After learning the news, Turkson reportedly said, “Whatever, I’m over it.  I only threw my name in the pope hat because I was bored; I’ve got plenty of stuff to do Continue reading

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The Pope Admits Fondling Boys Is Not For Everyone

English: Pope Benedict XVI

English: Pope Benedict XVI (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After a long series of abuse scandals plagued the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI is stepping down.  “I admit, fondling boys is not for everyone,” the Pope said to Diego Fellini with Vatican Weekly. “But let’s not forget, it’s their life and it’s not like they’re ‘hurting’ anyone.” 

Fellini asked the Pope what he thought about the trauma some of these boys are experiencing.  “Personally, I’ve never been a fan of whiners,” the Pope said.  “These boys talk as if being tenderly touched by a man of the cloth is the same as being crucified as you know who!  I’m tired of people crying over spilled milk, which is just one more reason I’m retiring.”

Later in the interview, Fellini inquired why some Priests get too “handsy” with the boys.  “It’s simple,” the Pope said.  “They’re bored. What
these Priests did is no different than throwing Continue reading