Category Archives: Breaking

McDonald’s Confesses the McRib is Made from Horse Meat

Photo of McDonald's McRib.

Photo of McDonald’s McRib. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

McDonald’s has long claimed the mysterious meaty-substance inside the McRib is pork-shoulder, but new DNA evidence from Consumer Reports reveals McDonald’s savory little secret:  The McRib is made from horse meat.

This disturbing news feels reminiscent of that scene from Soylent Green where New Yorkers discover the tasty green wafers they’ve all been enjoying are really made from ground-up people—but perhaps this is even worse.  Now millions of McRibbies must face the fact they’ve been chomping on horseflesh this whole time.  But as one McRibbie put it while chewing into a McRib, “This is highly upsetting—yet, extremely delicious.” Continue reading

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Carnival Cruise Requests Donations from Marooned Passengers

Carnival Cruise Lines

Carnival Cruise Lines (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Carnival Cruise is currently requesting donations from passengers who were left stranded on a broken-down cruise ship for three extra days in the heart of the Arctic Ocean.      

Carnival spokesman Chezy Leibowitz claims, “Carnival Cruise did not originally agree on giving passengers an extended three day vacation before setting sail. We’ve heard a lot of griping from some of these passengers, but they weren’t complaining while they enjoyed an additional three days of complimentary pizza, soda, a round of miniature golf—not to mention free room and board on the best cruise ship in the business.  I mean, come on! I’m sorry they had to enjoy fun in the Artic sun for an extended period!  Only in America do people whine about having to stay on vacation longer or missing an episode of survivor.”    Continue reading