CIA agents who inspected Asiana Fight 214, which recently crashed at the San Francisco airport, en route from Seoul—immediately smelled foul play upon entering the plane.
After using CIA-style interrogation tactics on the captain of the Asiana, in an attempt to “further their investigation,” CIA agents discovered the pilot was hired by Kim Jong- un to crash the airliner into the Golden Gate Bridge.
“You hold any duck under water longer enough,” stated CIA agent Tommy Brownski, “and it will eventually quack. Turns out, our Asiana captain here—code name ‘Chuck,’— is part of a North Korean special suicide bomber force called, ‘The Yellow Birds of Fury’—a name apparently inspired by Angry Birds.”
“What most people don’t know about Kim Jong-un,” Brownski explained “is he’s known as the ‘Grand Wizard’ within the Angry Birds community. You name it: Angry Birds Star Wars, Bad Piggies, Angry Birds Space—he’s got the worldwide high scores on all of them. But when we dug a little deeper, the legitimacy of his records seemed questionable. ”
“Kim Jong-un,” Brownski continued, “had The Yellow Birds of Fury chained to smartphones and forced them to play Angry Birds eighteen hours a day in preparation for their mission.”
Brownski informed us that Angry Birds allegedly taught Chuck and his team everything they needed to know about suicide bombing. Most specifically, they learned how to properly angle their trajectory and how to crash into structures with kamikaze-style to inflict the greatest damage.
According to Air Traffic Control, Chuck had originally gunned the giant airliner at the Bay Bridge. “But as we approached,” Chuck claimed, according to Brownski, “I knew we had the wrong bridge–it wasn’t red. Everyone knows the Golden Gate Bridge is red, even in Korea.”
“Chuck frantically tried to reroute the plane toward the Golden Gate Bridge,” said Brownski, “But it was too late. Chuck aborted the mission, and between descending at an awkward angle, and being overwhelmed by fear of what Kim Jong-un would do to him and The Yellow Birds of Fury for botching the mission, he failed to land the Asiana safely on the runway.
“If you listen real close to the data recorder in the cockpit,” Brownski claims, “Right before the plane crashes into the runway, you can actually hear Chuck whisper, ‘I’m sorry, Kim. Those American pigs beat us again.’”