Manti Te’o (Photo credit: Hoosierguy Jeff)
Charger’s head coach, Mike McCoy, was both concerned and intrigued after learning his 2nd draft pick, Manti Te’o, has an invisible friend.
Last year Te’o’s imaginary dead girlfriend hoax both angered fans and lowered his draft stock. McCoy was justifiably skeptical when the defensive linebacker claimed that his new invisible friend was named ‘God’—the “Grandmaster of Defense.”
On the first day of Chargers training, McCoy found Te’o kneeling alone by his locker. With his head bowed and hands clasped, Te’o was engaged in a passionate conversation with his invisible friend.
“I don’t know how to explain it,” McCoy said at a press conference. “Manti was carrying on a conversation about Super Bowl rings as if someone was right there in front of him. I’m not going to lie, it really freaked me out. Athletes can be superstitious,” McCoy continued, “but I’ve never seen anything like Manti’s bizarre behavior.”
After discussing the issue, Chargers’ management decided it was in their best interest to let Te’o continue talking to his invisible friend. “We haven’t had a winner in San Diego in a long time,” exclaimed McCoy, “And if it takes Manti’s black magic to win a championship, so be it. A win’s a win in my book.”
Te’o fans have reportedly started making posters and shirts designed with “+” symbols to show support for Manti’s invisible friend, God—soon to be the 12th Charger playing on the field.
Since Te’o’s admission, the NFL has launched a full investigation into the ethical and legal implications of teams using invisible players to their advantage. Roger Goodell released the following statement: “The NFL will investigate any team accused of using invisible players or the Dark Arts to win football games. If we discover evidence that Manti’s invisible friend is playing on the field, or even assisting the Chargers during a game, the NFL will take the necessary actions to keep football free from super natural foul play. Voodoo might fly in Haiti, folks, but the National Football League will not stand for it.”
The New Porker 