In an attempt to make Latin Americans feel more welcome in San Francisco, the Golden Gate Bridge district board of directors passed a measure that will allow commuters to pay tolls using pesos. Taking effect May 1st, the measure will also be in conjunction with the renaming and rededication of the bridge, to be called: The Golden Gate Bridge to Diversity.
Tollbooth operators began rigorous training this week on converting the $6 dollar toll fee into pesos. Veteran tollbooth employee, Frank Harry, said “I always strive to be a good employee; but, I just don’t think it’s right charging people 73 pesos to cross the bridge. It’s literally highway robbery. I’m a San Francisco native and a firm believer in equality. So whether you’re paying with dollars or pesos the toll should be equal. It’s only fair.”
Frank Harry isn’t the only San Franciscan upset about the new peso measure. Mr. Yang, a spokesperson for Chinatown and current San Franciscan of the Year said, “If Latinos get to pay toll fees with pesos, then Chinese restaurants should start accepting Yuan and Russians should be allowed to use marbles in Little Russia. San Francisco is a wonderful city, but this new measure seems a bit much.”
Tea Party activist Cletus Mayfield claimed, “If we allow people to be paying with Mexican funny money in America, next thing you know, our kids will being singing the pledge of allegiance in Española to a Mexican flag and schools will start serving pints of horchata to wash down Nacho Bell Grandes instead of with good ol’ fashion American made milk. This ain’t the United States of America and Mexico. We ain’t no kissing cousins.”
In an emergency press conference, San Francisco Mayor Edwin Lee said, “First of all, everyone needs to cool their jets. As of now, only the Golden Gate Bridge to Diversity will be accepting pesos. But it is my commitment as your mayor to work towards a more multicultural San Francisco—a San Francisco accepting of all peoples and currencies. My dream is to make San Francisco the most progressive city in the world. Every dream has to start somewhere. My sueño starts with a peso.”