English: Cardinal Peter Turkson: (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

VATICAN CITY—Cardinal Peter Turkson of Ghana misinterprets the black smoke released from the Sistine Chapel as sign that he was elected the new pope.

Cardinal Turkson was enjoying a cappuccino at his favorite Vatican café when he noticed black smoke billow from the chimney of the Sistine Chapel.  “Obviously, I thought it was a sign,” Turkson said.  “I mean, it was black smoke.  I understood there would be smoke to tell tourists something about the new pope, so I just put two and two together.”

Cardinal Turkson admits that he immediately ran into the Sistine Chapel to claim his title as the first Black Pope. There, he quickly discovered that it simply meant a failed ballot.  After learning the news, Turkson reportedly said, “Whatever, I’m over it.  I only threw my name in the pope hat because I was bored; I’ve got plenty of stuff to do back home. I was getting awful tired of eating spaghetti, anyways.”

We asked Turkson how he felt after hearing that Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio of Argentina was elected Pope, to which Turkson replied: “It’s cool, if they want to give away the seat to a Mexican, whatever. That’s fine with me.”