McDonald’s has long claimed the mysterious meaty-substance inside the McRib is pork-shoulder, but new DNA evidence from Consumer Reports reveals McDonald’s savory little secret: The McRib is made from horse meat.
This disturbing news feels reminiscent of that scene from Soylent Green where New Yorkers discover the tasty green wafers they’ve all been enjoying are really made from ground-up people—but perhaps this is even worse. Now millions of McRibbies must face the fact they’ve been chomping on horseflesh this whole time. But as one McRibbie put it while chewing into a McRib, “This is highly upsetting—yet, extremely delicious.”
After a surge of public outcry, McDonald’s came forward and issued a statement claiming it’s true– the McRib is indeed made from horse meat—but it wasn’t always that way (they tinkered with Portuguese “skunk pigs” 3 years ago, but switched back because the consistency was “too rubbery”).
McDonalds’ states that fitness guru, Billy Blank’s inspired health-craze that swept America in 2004 caused McRib sales to plummet, and they had no choice but to either reinvent the McRib or it’d soon be Mc-RIP.
McDonald’s claims it first made the leap to horse meat due to its nutritional value. Although more expensive, McDonald’s says horse meat is high protein, low fat, and just as sweet and tasty when slathered in McRib’s secret, creamy BBQ sauce.
“We don’t mind hoofing the extra bill for horse meat,” McDonald’s CEO said in a recent interview. “Our McRib sales have doubled, while our customer’s waistlines shrank nearly in half. And since we’ve switched from swine to equine, now our Jewish friends can enjoy the McRib, too! So fear not! Invest in yourself, your health, and in a McRib today.”
©The New Porker | McRib Horse Meat